That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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