census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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