saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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