Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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