hotel room ftw
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
