There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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