She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just blew my weed a kiss
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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