How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
