I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
