i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
