Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
