Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
