I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
