She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I could fuck to npr.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
