Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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