Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
