Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
