I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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