I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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