If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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