Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
