Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
