To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
