I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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