Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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