Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
