i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
