He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
