thus making me awesome and them whores
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
