youre lurking in front of me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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