I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
