My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
