Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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