if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
