nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
