i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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