I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
tell me about the fingering
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