Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
