At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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