So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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