He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
