Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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