She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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