I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
