remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
