"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
