so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
