fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
