if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
