Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
