Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I puked a lego.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
